resolved: a parade

Hopefully 2006 will be the worst year of our lives. We were ready to mulligan it for a new hand from the beginning. Following the great ones before us (mainly Angry Dissenter and The Vol Abroad), here's the parade of our year in review.

January 2006

I finally admit that I've been abnormally tired for about a year. I think that maybe working out more will give me more energy. I try the Strip Tease workout, which The Hater argued didn't have enough strip to it. It's so dry there's lots of fires in Oklahoma.

February 2006

Our percentage for picking the Oscar winners beats Angry Dissenter's choices. The Hater's wallet is stolen. None of this was actually posted: I went to the family doctor after exercise and changing my sleeping patters didn't change my fatigue. My labs were normal; he said my thyroid was slightly enlarged, but nothing to cause worry. It was the one thing that really worried me, the one thing that was always on my mind; I only knew enough to know that something was wrong, which I didn't think was enough to blog about. Meanwhile, The Hater was dealing with a lot of crap at work.

March 2006

The Hater's fluffy hair. Chocolate oatmeal. Boring posts to cover the fact that I'm absolutely exhausted. March 23rd, the c-bomb drops. My surprise trip to LBG for Sister's birthday and R&R becomes a big ball of cancer.

April 2006

Surery #1: total thyroidectomy. They also took a parathyroid gland, which threw off my calcium; my face and neck tingled for a week. From now on forever I'll be on thyroid medicine and calcium supplementation. The Hater and I decide that there's so much stress in our lives that we would make a great reality tv show.

May 2006

We realize exactly how sucky the low-Iodine diet sucks. We "pimp the prison" and prepare for my first radioactive Iodine (RAI) treatment. I plant some flowers on the porch at a desperate attempt to do something normal. I really enjoyed writing the Roshomon posts with Angry Dissenter; they were the best distraction therapy for being hypothyroid and miserable. I take my first RAI treatment, asking specifically for the Jedi-blend. Meanwhile, I'm getting boatloads of much needed mail, support, prayers, phone calls, emails, etc; The Hater becomes short-order cook extraordinae.

June 2006

I come home from work and fall asleep half on the bed with my pants down. I'm so very exhausted. England doesn't win the World Cup.

July 2006

The day before I got on a plane to go see Angry Dissenter I find out the cancer is back. Surgery #2: a right modified neck dissection. 6 of 20 lymph nodes were positive. We recover slowly and I end up having to get physical therapy for my right arm and shoulder. I still have lots of neuropathic tingles and may have them forever. The Hater's first post of the year is debuted in the form of Hezbollah Haterade.

August 2006

Photo diary of healing scars. The Hater declares war on Microsoft. We begin the second lap of the Low-Iodine Diet; it still sucks. We pen another letter to Phil Fulmer asking him not to stink it up this season.

September 2006

Being hypothyroid again causes me to have nightmares every time I go to sleep. It's football time in Tennessee. Radioactive Iodine dose and isolation #2. We scored tickets to see the mighty Blue Raiders play Uglyhoma. The Hater and I reshelve 1984 in the Current Events section of a local bookstore.

October 2006

The Hater and I celebrate our 7th date-a-versary. I begin to feel human again. I win a scholarship to go to the Inaugural Livestrong Summit in Austin and hang out with Lance and John Kerry. We talk about football.

November 2006

The Hater is robbed of People's 2006 Sexiest Man Alive awards. The Dorks and Sister come to Uglyhoma for Kodak moments. The Hater's parents come to visit the next weekend. I'm still tired.

December 2006

The Hater and I have our first big marital dispute about who to cheer for if Peyton plays against the Titans. We go home for Christmas and have a great visit. I win the fantasy football Super Bowl and get a ring before Peyton. We ring in the new year with blind abandon and resolve not to have any more surgeries.