junk mail pandemic

My grandmother received junk mail. I'm not referring to an occasional flyer, but she would get junk catalogues and an endless supply of address labels every day. My cousins and I would be amazed that she was that special...

Mother receives every clothing catalog imaginable. Name the store, even one you think does not carry mail-order options, and she'll have the last two catalogs they printed on top of the microwave or hidden in the den.

I had never considered the genetic predisposition to getting junk mail, but it would seem that my heritage has found our small apartment mail box, and The Hater has noticed. I'm not getting junk catalogs, am getting only a couple of nice clothing catalogs (although we've never purchased anything from any of them), and will only occasionally get some kind of flyer promising to help me lose up to 60 pounds without making any diet or lifestyle modifications... No, friends, I'm getting nerd junk mail: drug paraphernalia.

And not the questionable, trendy drugs... I'm getting drug comany junk mail. Nurse junk mail. Nerd junk mail. Educational junk mail. Junk mail that promises to make you run faster, jump higher, and cure cancer.

The Hater said he didn't know anybody who got more mail than his grandfather, with the new exception of me. I'm getting daily nerd junk mail.

It's not even the kind of junk mail that looks right sitting on the coffee table. Our friend came over the other day and flipped through one -- only to point out that it didn't have any pictures and "looked boring". He was right, but the sad part is that I was almost finished reading it.

The Hater and I are on the lookout for more cool-looking junk mail circles. Please advise if you have any ideas how we could join one to soften our nerd junk mail image.

The Hater's poker magazines can only do so much...