Sunday, April 09, 2006

rock and a hard place

Many apologies for the lack of exciting material on the blog for a while. See, for about a month I struggled to think of things that didn't have to do with waiting to see what was wrong with me. And now for a couple of weeks I've been struggling to think of anything besides that.

So mabye I should just quit pussy-footing around and talk about it.

I don't want to sound like a whiner, but I wasn't supposed to get cancer. It was certainly not on my 5-year-Plan, and quite frankly I'd like to mulligan this hand and try again. I don't believe I have cancer to make me a better nurse or a better person, although I really can't believe that people have tried to tell me that to comfort me. I don't think there's a reason that will lead to some great good that I had a malignant tumor in my thyroid gland, although the irony would be amusing. I don't want to argue that it was part of fate or destiny or some greater plan, although it could have been.

I'm not dwelling on that because I really don't want to be a whiner. Whiners get on my nerves. Whiners need purpose and reason, and although enlightenment would be comforting, I don't feel like I need it in order to justify my current situation. I'm in a place of react and act, and quite fankly I don't have the energy to give it any more whine than that.

Limbo.

Facts: My surgery went well. The surgeon visualized all four of my parathyroid glands. The tumor itself was about a centimeter. There was no lymph node involvement. I return to work tomorrow.

The plan is to continue my calcium and vitamin D supplementation. My pins-and-needles have subsided for now, and I anticipate tapering off of them as the swelling subsides. I will continue my short-acting thyroid hormone medication for three more weeks, after which time that will stop and I'll go to a low-iodine diet of leaves and twigs for two weeks. After that I will take the radioactive iodine therapy, I131, on a Monday and be at home on radioactive isolation for about a week or so. I will not glow in the dark, but the thought amuses me.

At this time I'll have a total body scan to make sure that there are no other malignancies. That's when we'll know for sure that it's not moved to my lungs or liver. That report will warrent the official sigh of relief.

But we're in limbo for a while until we get that report.

So for now I'll continue talking about random things or itching. I'll probably have a fancy post aobut the removal of the steri-strips and the roller coaster that is the swelling in my throat. Just know that I'd really like for it to be about two and a half months down the road.

4 comments:

nicole said...

OMG, I am absolutely AWFUL at handling anticipation. And anticipiating something like the results of a scan would probably land me in a group psychiatric ward.

In other words, you're handling this SO much better than I imagine that I would.

Sounds like you're doing marvelously well, though. I mean, you're going back to work TOMORROW? I swear it took me longer than that to get over a bad cold. Not meaning to trivialize what you've been through in the least, mind you. I'm just amazed at how well you've come through this.

Okay, I'm done rambling now. :)

genderist said...

I handle anticipation by getting diarrhea. :) I should have stock in Immodium.

Anonymous said...

You have a tough road ahead of you lady and you need to take care of yourself. There is an emotional toll in all of this. Treat yourself to something special to offset the negatives.

I think that these things are part of a grand design -- chaos. I believe that chaos is the governing paradigm of the universe. But we can take the bad things that happen and make other things better -- a plan instead of chaos. Plans do not always work, but life goes on and progress is made.

Can you go back to work part time?

You have what it takes to weather this storm. VM

Kate said...

Ummm... you have cancer. You're allowed to whine.

Having said that, you're going back to work? Holy shit, that's fast.