Tuesday, March 07, 2006

just a dab'll do ya

We have already discussed that I work with people who are either old enough to be my mother or my grandmother. They tell a lot of stories from long ago when they were children, and although they haven't yet told me how they once bought a loaf of bread for a dime, sometimes they do tell interesting stories.

A few weeks ago they talked about using raw eggs to wash their hair before there was shampoo. I offered that you could wash your hair with beer, too. They thought it was a waste of beer, but I argued that's why they made The Beast. Due to the generational gap, they didn't get it.

Last week one of my coworkers talked a mile about the miracles of vinegar.

So this past weekend I poured white vinegar into the washing machine, and lo, nothing fantastic happened.... other than clean clothes. But my coworker had sworn by its magical color-fast properties, so The Hater and I bought two gallons at Sam's for $3.00.

This morning before I took my shower I heard her little voice in my head telling me about how brunettes can use vinegar to bring out natural hilights in their hair. On a whim I took a quarter cup to the shower, and after I had washed and rinsed my hair, I leaned back and let it run.

It was cold. Of course I was taking a hot shower, so then steamy vinegar clouds made me hack and want to gag. And then, the burning... my eyes caught fire as I reached for the shower head and tried to wash my face. I went through this motion three times before my eyes quit feeling like they were being peeled from the inside-out. Go ahead and laugh, it's amusing in retrospect, but at the time it was sharp misery.

After the shower I dangled cold, wet hair over The Hater's sleeping face. I told him to wake up and smell my hair. I wondered if it smelled like vinegar, if I'd have to wash the smell out again before I went to work. He said it didn't smell like anything but wet hair, and I made him smell it several times to make sure. Nobody at work made hair-smell faces at me, so I guess it turned out okay.

And my hair does feel softer! I mentioned it to my coworker, who said that I need to work on my vinegar-wash technique. Duh.

In honor of my elders, it only seems fitting to close with these words of wisdom:

On curves ahead
Remember, sonny
That rabbit's foot
Didn't save
The bunny
Burma-Shave

6 comments:

nicole said...

Indeed, that image of you trying to outrun that capful of vinegar was pretty funny. Did you make sure to tell your work peeps that their suggestion really didn't work out for you?

genderist said...

Of course I told them... who then critiqued my form. They said I should turn the water to cold after I've finished my shower, then lean back and drizzle the vinegar, rub it in, then rinse, all while leaning back like a contortionist.

the count said...

Yeah, I can't help but wonder about the long-term effects of that. It seems like something both of my grandmothers would have done back in the day (which was a Tuesday, most people don't know that). Anyway, I'm sure my grandmothers did something like that and now they have that rough, stringy hair. Sure, sure you may want to use science and logic, you being a nurse and all, and blame it on the lack of essential protiens, calcium, whatever. But I choose to blame it on the vinegar. Be careful with that stuff. I wouldn't trust anything in my hair that my dad used to clean the wheels on his vehicles for years.

Molly Jane said...

Listen, I am sorry, but I laughed so hard that I spit out my happy tea. Sorry for the gagging and hacking, but thanks for the laugh.

Anonymous said...

The vinegar thing works on hair. You used too much though. Put a few tablespoons in a glass and fill it with warm water. Pour that through your hair and then rinse it out.

Just ask Nana. =)

genderist said...

I knew I was a mad scientist at heart...