political polls

Tis the season to receive nightly telephone political polls... and give skewed answers to intentionally upset the intended results. The Hater doesn't think I should give skewed answers, but I feel like it's my my obligation to give more blue answers to political polls that come out of this state. Blue pride is bad pride in a red state... and it amuses me... and he's not in town tonight to give me mean faces.

The poll I answered tonight went much like this:

I will tell you about two people who want to be elected for the Oklahoma Attorney General office. After I tell you a little about each opponent, please tell me if you are more likely or less likely to vote for them.

The first canidate, Mr. X, has been married for 40 years, has three children and four grandchildren. He is active in his community and has a very successful small business. In fact, he's done lots of great things to help small businesses in his community. He is active in his church. He is tall and his farts smell like Brute aftershave. He is strongly for the death penalty and has actually offered to volunteer on death row to manually strangle inmates in order to save Oklahoma tax payers on footing the bill for the jolt of electricity used to zap them.

Are you more likely or less likely to vote for Mr. X based on this information?

The second canidate, Mrs. X, is married, but chooses to go by her maiden name. She has several lawsuits that have been filed against her by some random social groups. She has failed miserably at making everybody like her. She says that she's for the death penalty, but has actually tried to help innocent people keep from being zapped. She doesn't even floss every day. And she has two overdue library books.

Are you more likely or less likely to vote for Mrs. X based on this information?

Given the information you have heard tonight, are you more likely to vote for Mr. X or Mrs. X for *X* office?

Neither, I told the monotone tele-poll girl... because her little paragraphs were far too slanted for me to know anything truthful about either canidate.

She laughed. We bonded. I was amused.