Monday, June 19, 2006

dallying in another world

People mostly fit into different catergories. There are tall people, short people, and another catergory for people who are neither. People who can sing, people who like to sing, and people who couldn't carry a tune in a bucket. There are cat people, dog people, people who are allergic to either or both, and people who are moreso one than the other. SWF, DBM, BBF, WTF. Catergories.

I'm a cat person. I've had scary dog experiences, and mostly I don't even do dogs unless their owners promise me that it's safe territory. Obviously I'm a great choice to help dog-sit while our friends are out of town!

Bad Shoe Guy* would be happy to know that I wasn't their first choice for the esteemed role of dog-sitter. I probably wasn't even their second choice, but we're good enough friends where they wouldn't mention how far down the choice list I actually was...

But even a cat person can be preapared. I bought a bag of his favorite treats, and some supper that I could cook to share leftovers. It was a plan, and the best that this cat-person could come up with...

I was welcomed with lots of barks. I'm not attuned to the subtle differences betwen happy barks and I'm-gonna-bite-your-face-off barks, so I tossed a treat. He was excited. My face was safe for the moment.

I cooked supper. He ran around in circles and peed in the kitchen. That's his thing. I mopped it up because I wasn't sure what else to do. I guess that made it my thing. He got the wrong idea.

AND THEN THE THING HAPPENED. He did the dog-thing where he flipped onto his back, suggesting a tummy-rub that even this cat-person could percieve. I started patting his belly, and then the golden fountain started and I ended up with dog pee all over my arm. All over my cat person arm.

Not cool, I told him. I told him that peeing on people was not how you won friends and influenced others. I washed my arm. Twice. Compulsively.

While he kept barking I cooked supper. I had bought some noodle thing on the way to his house. It wasn't as good as when I was in college, but it was alright; he seemed to enjoy the leftovers. I cleaned up supper (after he'd cleaned the plates), and wondered what to do next. I asked him if he wanted to go for a walk outside... His ears jumped off of his head and he ran around in circles before pulling the leash off of the wall. It was unaminous.

We went for a walk. I had no idea a weiner dog could run so quickly. He peed on every mailbox that we passed. It was the thing to do, I'm sure.

I tucked him in -- under his blanket. It seemed like we made it through the evening.

I returned home to the most brilliant cat in the world. The same cat who just jumped down from sleeping in my lap for about ten minutes, which is very out of character for her. Maybe it was the faint odor of dog pee that caused her sudden interest in cuddling, maybe it was because The Hater's out of town... or maybe it was just the moment. Whichever, it's good to be home.

* Bad Shoe Guy: This is an example of a post about nothing. You can do it! Make Seinfeld proud!


Angry Dissenter said...

Fun facts for next time:

* Dogs _always_ have to go out as soon as you get in. :)

* The urine is sterile when it comes out. The poop is what you have to worry about.

* Never trust even the best dog with your food.

nicole said...

I'm just imagining you tucking that dog in and it's the cutest image in the world. Though I'm sure you probably didn't think it was so cute at the time. ;)

genderist said...

1. Urine is not sterile. That's why you can culture it to grow lots of different kinds of hairy scary organisms.

2. Walk first! What a novel idea.

3. "Never trust even the best dog with your food." I think the same could be said for carnies...

4. The pee monster is definitely cute under his blanket with his nose sticking out.

The Meat Machine said...

Hey, those crazy German chicks drink pee all the time, and they're okay.

genderist said...

The Hater says I should clarify that I enjoied and was amused with playing dog games.