A Geography Lesson

The Hater and I have lived in Uglyhoma for two years. During this time I have noticed that the Uglyhoma educational system has done a lousy job teaching basic geography. This is evidenced by Oklahomans refering to their state as part of "the South".

I know. I laugh at that, too.

First and foremost, when you're dining out and order "sweet tea", the waitress brings unsweetened tea and points at the sweetner-packets on the table. No no no. Not the same. That's sacrilege.

Next, watch closely the next time you see the national weather forcast. The weatherperson will move from the northeastern states to the south -- and then they'll include Oklahoma with the midwest states (that is, if you can see it. Usually weatherpeople stand in front of Uglyhoma altogether. So if you need to know the weather, look online.)

Next, there's a little thing called 'southern hospitality'. This is different than regular hospitality. If you don't know the difference, my parents would be happy to show you. Come hungry.

Next, Uglyhoma wasn't even a state during the Civil War. (Skirmishes and forts don't count.)

Next, OKC is the home of the National Cowboy and Western Heritage Museum. Not the 'Southern Heritage Museum'. Either they're a western state - or maybe a southwestern state, but not to be considered as part of "the south".

Next, when pop culture refers to the hip-hop "dirrty South" or "crunk rap", they're talking about the new rise of rap artists from SOUTHERN states and cities. This includes Georgia, North Carolina, Mississippi, Tennessee, Texas, etc. Uglyhoma is not part of this discussion in the mainstream media or rap culture.

(Did someone mention culture? We won't go there.)

Next, think back to your fourth grade Social Studies class. Where did the cowboys go? Out West! (not down south)

Meanwhile, The Hater travelled with a group of Oklahomans to Atlanta. He mentioned to the desk clerks at the hotel that the people in his group thought Uglyhoma was part of the South, thus they were Southern. The three people behind the counter burst into laughter, "They think they from the South?" They laughed until they wiped tears.

Let's review:

Maybe Uglyhoma can be filed into the southern midwest region or the southwestern region, but it's hardly part of "the South". I've sent a letter to the local school board asking them to look into this educational discrepancy.



Coming Soon:

The Hater will be serving a warm glass of Haterade.

Observations on Sooner Football