Dear Phil Fulmer,

Phil,

We are the biggest UT Vol fans in Uglyhoma, and we're really excited about the new season starting. The Hater has already gotten out his orange and white polo to wear to work on game days. And as I've mentioned earlier, my Vols scrubs are never out of style.

Please let the team know that they have fanatics cheering for them in the black heart of Uglyhoma. Big fans that yell at the tv every time a referee makes the wrong call. Fans that sing Rocky Top around stupid OU fans. Fans that throw their own yellow hankies when we want to see more penalties. We're serious fans. Super-nova fans.

Thanks for being such a great recruiter. You've been phenomanal bringing the talent to Knoxville. We're especially fond of Dante Stallworth, Eric Ange, Cedric Houston, Jamal Lewis, Leonard Little, Peyton Manning, and COUNTLESS others. You've recruited THE team to beat, which makes games so very exciting to watch.

Yet we're also concerned fans.

We've got big hopes for the Offensive Coordinator this year. Please help him to call the right plays during tense game-times. Plus there's the whole Florida, then LSU back-to-back games -- please keep the boys motivated for those two biggies. (Florida is self-explainatory. Every true Vol fan hates Florida. And although we don't have anything against LSU, a loss that early in the season would be tragic.)

(We're not complete LSU-haters because they crushed Oklahoma's National Championship dream two years ago, and we always support the teams that beat Uglyhoma.)

And see if you can do something about the damn high bookstore prices. The Big Orange Screw is bad PR, (so says the Vol Abroad).

Hugs and Kisses-
The Uglyhoma Fans

PS: Remember when you ratted on Alabama for violating NCAA rules a couple of years ago and got them put on probation? That was really cool, says The Hater. The Hater hates Alabama.

PPS: If you see Peyton, tell him that we said hi. We wear orange when we watch his games, too. (And thank him for being so easy to control on the Madden NFL 06 game.)