We made the drive back to OKC in just under 19 hours. The Hater is a driving machine; I'm the right-handed relief pitcher. There was a full moon that made for a pretty drive.
I had a great time visiting Angry Dissenter and his dog, Odie. They were both excellent hosts, and we really should get together again sometime soon, preferably before two more years pass.
Vegas is the same as I had remembered-- hot and crowded. I didn't play a single dollar while I was there, but The Hater has come home with more padding to his poker roll. He qualified for a WPT event, but lost due to some bad runner-runner mojo. He has more stories to tell and autographs to add to his collection.
The best news of the day is that my pre-existing insurance hassles seem to be over for now. I've gotten a letter that says they'll actually process all of the new claims that include labwork and radiation stuff that The Hater and I have been arguing with them for the last several months. Maybe they'll get these filed before we get to do it all over again.
I wish I could say I had a solid plan for the week. Tomorrow I'm working. Wednesday I'll go to work, and The Hater will pick me up before lunch to go downtown for the PET/CT scan, then return me to work to finish the day....
But after that we'll be winging it until one of the doctors' offices calls with the next set of plans. For now we're winging it by the seat of our pants. It should be an exciting week.
Monday, July 10, 2006
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
round 2
The Short Version: It's not scar tissue.
On to the Drama: I saw my endocrinologist on Monday. He noticed a mass in my neck, around the same area where my cancer had been. We did an ultrasound and drew labwork. Today he called me back to tell me that my tumor marker was too high, a sign that the mass in my neck is an angry, cancerous lymph node. This was not the plan.
The New Plan: The Hater is visiting our friend, Angry Dissenter, in Nevada. I had planned to fly out tomorrow after work to join the fun. That's still our plan; The Hater and I will drive back to OKC and should return Monday early evening. I work Tuesday. Wednesday morning (July 12th) I have a PET/CT scan scheduled. This will show us if there are multiple angry lymph nodes. Those scans will have to be evaluated by a radiologist, and I don't know when that will happen. Within a couple of days I should hear back from either the endocrinologist or my surgeon. And sometime soon after that I'll have another surgery to remove the angry nodes.
The Cut and Dry: This stinks, and I'm not looking forward to doing this all over again.
Prognosis: The good news about this kind of cancer is that having positive lymph node involvement does NOT change my good pronosis. There is no question that this type of cancer is both treatable and curable, but I'm just going to need another surgery to get there... which is very frustrating for me right now.
And: And if it wasn't bad enough to be told that I still have cancer, it looks like I'll have to miss my 10 year high school reunion and trip home that we'd planned for August. And, as long as I'm complaining, I'm really bummed about a bad haircut I got over the weekend.
The Good News: My hair will grow back. The cancer, after we remove the angry lymph nodes, will not grow back. There will be another reunion.
My Plea: Sweet, wonderful friends, without your support we would not have made it this far into our adventure with the c-bomb. Please keep those smoke signals, prayers, or well-wishes headed this way. We need all the good vibrations that we can get.
On to the Drama: I saw my endocrinologist on Monday. He noticed a mass in my neck, around the same area where my cancer had been. We did an ultrasound and drew labwork. Today he called me back to tell me that my tumor marker was too high, a sign that the mass in my neck is an angry, cancerous lymph node. This was not the plan.
The New Plan: The Hater is visiting our friend, Angry Dissenter, in Nevada. I had planned to fly out tomorrow after work to join the fun. That's still our plan; The Hater and I will drive back to OKC and should return Monday early evening. I work Tuesday. Wednesday morning (July 12th) I have a PET/CT scan scheduled. This will show us if there are multiple angry lymph nodes. Those scans will have to be evaluated by a radiologist, and I don't know when that will happen. Within a couple of days I should hear back from either the endocrinologist or my surgeon. And sometime soon after that I'll have another surgery to remove the angry nodes.
The Cut and Dry: This stinks, and I'm not looking forward to doing this all over again.
Prognosis: The good news about this kind of cancer is that having positive lymph node involvement does NOT change my good pronosis. There is no question that this type of cancer is both treatable and curable, but I'm just going to need another surgery to get there... which is very frustrating for me right now.
And: And if it wasn't bad enough to be told that I still have cancer, it looks like I'll have to miss my 10 year high school reunion and trip home that we'd planned for August. And, as long as I'm complaining, I'm really bummed about a bad haircut I got over the weekend.
The Good News: My hair will grow back. The cancer, after we remove the angry lymph nodes, will not grow back. There will be another reunion.
My Plea: Sweet, wonderful friends, without your support we would not have made it this far into our adventure with the c-bomb. Please keep those smoke signals, prayers, or well-wishes headed this way. We need all the good vibrations that we can get.
The Count
Today's The Count's birthday, ah-ah-ah... and he's not posted anything since mid-May...
HBDTY, anyhow... ah-ah-ah
1. make list
I'm a list-making machine. Sister and I learned this from our Mother. She was always making lists of things to do, and even her grocery lists were organized in sections for easier shopping.
My list is complete with drawing little boxes next to individual items so that I can check them off as I do them today. I have a busy day ahead of me.
The day after a holiday is always bananas at work -- because we have to fit two days worth of people into one. I'm expecting a long day there... but I finished all of the paperwork yesterday for the holiday stuff, which will free an extra nurse from behind the desk for a couple of hours.
It will need to be a well-caffeinated day.
After work I'll start on THE LIST. Calling, arranging, packing, cleaning, feeding, printing, changing, laundrying list. Tomorrow I'll leave work in the early afternoon to complete the itenerary portion of the list.
And by tomorrow night I hope to be with The Hater and Angry Dissenter, making a new list for fun and exciting weekend plans. I'll be sans web -- so be strong.
My list is complete with drawing little boxes next to individual items so that I can check them off as I do them today. I have a busy day ahead of me.
The day after a holiday is always bananas at work -- because we have to fit two days worth of people into one. I'm expecting a long day there... but I finished all of the paperwork yesterday for the holiday stuff, which will free an extra nurse from behind the desk for a couple of hours.
It will need to be a well-caffeinated day.
After work I'll start on THE LIST. Calling, arranging, packing, cleaning, feeding, printing, changing, laundrying list. Tomorrow I'll leave work in the early afternoon to complete the itenerary portion of the list.
And by tomorrow night I hope to be with The Hater and Angry Dissenter, making a new list for fun and exciting weekend plans. I'll be sans web -- so be strong.
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
recurring nightmares
I started thinking about this post in the shower because I was thinking about what I dreamed last night. And although I can't remember what that was now, I do remember that, albeit strange, it was not scary. I was contrasting this in my head with the nightmare I had two nights ago, a recurring adventure that involves a haunted island at dusk with much, much badness.
I hate scary dreams, but scary life isn't much better.
Although I didn't have to flee from badness or swim to the mainland yesterday, I did see the doctor. This was my first real visit with him since immediately after the surgery, exactly three months ago.
He palpated a mass in the right side of my neck. I told him it was nothing new since surgery and had no complaints about it... and of course it was tender if he was going to keep mashing on it... and we did another ultrasound to take more pictures... and we drew more labwork, including another tumor marker to chance the mass being more cancer. Because it's a possibility.
I'm holding out for scar tissue from the surgery since it's been with me since then. And considering my cancer was totally encapsulated with no lymph or vascular involvement ... and considering I've already finished a round of I-131... and considering that I don't want anything to get any more complicated.
Yesterday I received what I'm hoping is the last hoop that my insurance company needs to fix the financial drama. I'll fax it today, which I hope they'll get tomorrow, and maybe process by the end of the week so that the offices will quit calling me and asking for thousands of dollars that Blue Cross Blue Shield would like to pay for me.
This morning I'm thinking seriously that it would be easier to battle badness with my stellar hand-to-hand combat skills and swim the great divide where you're always about halfway to the other side than worry about scar tissue.
It has to be scar tissue.
I hate scary dreams, but scary life isn't much better.
Although I didn't have to flee from badness or swim to the mainland yesterday, I did see the doctor. This was my first real visit with him since immediately after the surgery, exactly three months ago.
He palpated a mass in the right side of my neck. I told him it was nothing new since surgery and had no complaints about it... and of course it was tender if he was going to keep mashing on it... and we did another ultrasound to take more pictures... and we drew more labwork, including another tumor marker to chance the mass being more cancer. Because it's a possibility.
I'm holding out for scar tissue from the surgery since it's been with me since then. And considering my cancer was totally encapsulated with no lymph or vascular involvement ... and considering I've already finished a round of I-131... and considering that I don't want anything to get any more complicated.
Yesterday I received what I'm hoping is the last hoop that my insurance company needs to fix the financial drama. I'll fax it today, which I hope they'll get tomorrow, and maybe process by the end of the week so that the offices will quit calling me and asking for thousands of dollars that Blue Cross Blue Shield would like to pay for me.
This morning I'm thinking seriously that it would be easier to battle badness with my stellar hand-to-hand combat skills and swim the great divide where you're always about halfway to the other side than worry about scar tissue.
It has to be scar tissue.
Sunday, July 02, 2006
intentional mantras
Yesterday began with wonderful intentions to sleep late, but the cat had other ideas. So I ended up awake much earlier than I had anticipated. I did my obligatory errands.
I thought I'd get a haircut. I told the lady that I wanted just a little shorter version of what I had, since it'd been a few months since I'd had it cut. And then she cut the hugest chunk of hair out of the back of my head.
No, I didn't say anything. At that point saying anything wouldn't have changed a thing. I left with the worst haircut in human history. And cried.
What else is a girl to do? Call her sister in the middle of the mall and heave tears about said worst haircut in the world. We can tape it back on, she offered, it will grow back.
I thought about catching a movie, but decided I wasn't in the mood when it was my turn to get tickets...
I went grocery shopping and ended up buying the book that the movie I'd thought about seeing was based on. I came home yesterday, put up groceries, and spent the next seven consecutive hours reading said book.
It wasn't that great.
Today's not been very exciting, either. Laundry x3, more errands... I'm ready for a weekend.
I thought I'd get a haircut. I told the lady that I wanted just a little shorter version of what I had, since it'd been a few months since I'd had it cut. And then she cut the hugest chunk of hair out of the back of my head.
No, I didn't say anything. At that point saying anything wouldn't have changed a thing. I left with the worst haircut in human history. And cried.
What else is a girl to do? Call her sister in the middle of the mall and heave tears about said worst haircut in the world. We can tape it back on, she offered, it will grow back.
I thought about catching a movie, but decided I wasn't in the mood when it was my turn to get tickets...
I went grocery shopping and ended up buying the book that the movie I'd thought about seeing was based on. I came home yesterday, put up groceries, and spent the next seven consecutive hours reading said book.
It wasn't that great.
Today's not been very exciting, either. Laundry x3, more errands... I'm ready for a weekend.
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