pee pee

I'm really not phased by urine. Being a nurse I've examined and flushed gallons of other people's pee. I've seen pee of all kinds of colors and containing all kinds of gross things that aren't supposed to be in pee. And I've smelled the worst odors to pee that would make most people gag.

My past pee experience is usually paired with laytex gloves at work. Since I've been a Mommy I've had plenty of pee moments sans PPE. This is just part of raising a baby - you get to wear a lot of their pee. No big deal.

Tonight I was peed on again, except this one took it to a whole new level.

I think I've mentioned before that baby has a thing about peeing in the bathtub. If she doesn't pee as I put her in, she pees once she's sitting in the water. It's her thing. I've been peed on several times waiting for the tub.

Sometimes I sit next to her and help her to sit on the edge of the tub while we wait for it to fill. That way if she pees, it goes into the tub and not on me. Sometimes I let her stand outside of the tub - although we don't do that very often because it makes a worse mess to clean up when she pees in the floor...

As I've mentioned, she's now off of her Singulair and Zyrtec, and tonight at supper was the last Benadryl she gets until we're told otherwise by the allergist on Thursday. She's already a snotty mess. She's not the happiest baby when she's snotty and miserable, and quite frankly she's been extra clingy the last week, too.

So when I carried her into the bathroom she was clinging to me like a koala bear with a death grip of No-Mommy-I'm-Not-Letting-Go. I carried her into the bathroom and sat on the edge of the bathtub. I turned on the water, her stuck to me like whipped cream to cling wrap. About the time that I started to wonder if I could get her to sit next to me it happened.

She peed on me.

No big deal, I thought. It's warm and wet and that's about it.

And then it hit me. She was straddling my lap when she relieved herself. I called for The Hater's assistance. I stood up and it looked like I'd peed my own pants.

I can't really describe the feeling of someone else's pee running down your leg, although I'd argue that it's not quite as strange as knowing that someone else's pee is causing the dampness in your underwear. It was at that moment, when I figured out my underwear was wet, too, that I went from oh-no-big-deal-I-got-peed-on-again to my-underwear-is-wet-with-pee-that's-not-my-own.

I couldn't strip fast enough. The Hater was amused. Baby was oblivious. I was wearing her pee in a more intimate way than I ever imagined wearing someone else's urine.

Up until this point in time I imagined the worst encounter with someone else's pee as forgetting to close your mouth when you empty a urinal and it splashes as you dump it into the toilet. Although that may be one of the worst possible scenarios for my work environment -- I'm thinking we met a new one at home tonight when she peed in my lap and it dribbled down my leg, but only after it saturated my underwear and the maxi pad I was wearing.

Motherhood is not for the faint of heart.