decaffeination documentation

I have been consciously caffeine free for a little over two years.

This just dawned on me today when through bleary blood-shot tired and teary eyes I was trying to tell someone at work about my night between my coughing-crying baby and my coughing-asthmatic husband. When I think in my head, yeah, I quit caffeine before we started trying to get pregnant, and then I realize the baby is 13 months old, I do the math and then I think, damn, I never thought I'd go this long without it.

I still drink decaf tea that technically has caffeine, and I'm not about to quit eating chocolate... but I have made the effort to avoid overtly caffeinated cokes, teas, coffees, and the like.

On a completely different topic, my mother-in-law visited this weekend. This is the run-down of one of the conversations we had:

(Setting: The kitchen. Getting ready to go to the zoo. MIL can't decide what shoes to wear. Decides against flip-flops. MIL wanted to borrow my socks to wear with her work shoes. She asked specifically for black or brown socks, but my sock collection is much more colorful than that. She ended up taking black and red striped socks. The following conversation took place while she was putting on her shoes and getting stuff together for the day trip.)

MIL: I've never worn red striped socks before.

me: Tell me again why you packed shoes without socks. Do we need to stop and get you socks? Do you need to borrow socks? I've got plenty of socks-

MIL: Oh, no. I brought hose.

me: Hose? So do we need to stop and get some socks?

MIL: No. I usually wear hose with the pants I brought with me because I hate panty lines.

me: Panty lines?

MIL: (shudders) I hate panty lines. They just gross me out. I can't handle them.

me: Other people's panty lines?

MIL: (shudders, again) Yeah.

me: So you wear hose with those shoes because of other people's panty lines?

MIL: No, The pants I brought are tighter, so I wear hose with them.

me: So your panty lines don't show?

MIL: Exactly. That way I just wear hose and nothing shows.

me: Are you sure? Because we can stop on the way and get you some socks...

Fast-forward to The Hater and I talking the afternoon after she left:

me: I could have done with not knowing that your Mom goes commando under her panty hose.

TH: WHAT!? What are you talking about?

me: You know, what she was talking about panty lines before we went to the zoo.

TH: She didn't say that. You're making that up.

me: Not only did she say it, but you were sitting at the kitchen table when she did!

TH: That's something I never needed to know.

I'm totally shocked by this, too. I thought everybody wore panties under their panty hose. I've taken an unofficial poll at work and all of the women I work with say they wear panties with their panty hose. (I have to assume they'd tell me the truth, but with the honest laughter I get with "why'd you ask me that question?", they're on the level...) Most of them looked at me funny and I got comments like, "Panties are part of a lady's wardrobe, hose or not."; "Didn't your Mama tell you that you always wear clean underwear?"; "Ew. You mean some people don't?"; "Hose is hot. You need panties under hose." A quick google search of "do you wear panties under panty hose" turned up both groups of people who wear panties and people who don't, with more people commenting who do wear them together.

It's never even dawned on me to go commando under hose. I thought I was pushing the envelope by not wearing a slip under skirts or dresses the last few years. I thought you just wore a thong if you were worried about panty lines. In fact, panty lines are one of the things that very rarely crosses my mind.

This is exactly why I'm telling you that I'm noncaffeinated.

Not so you can throw a party, not for a woo-hoo, not so that you'll even care-- Just so you'll know I'm at least noncaffeinated with panties on under my scrubs.