In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. coli) bacteria found in feces. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of Poop Per Year (ppy).
You may remember seeing E. coli in the news with all of the dirty spinich salad mixes in the last year or so. Americans suddenly realized that "organic" means "grown in poop", and lessons they had been taught about actually washing fruits and vegetables before you eat them really hit home. Every so many years you'll also see big E. coli scares at local water parks, and The Hater has driven past enough of them with me in the car that now before I can speak he will point and say, "That's where E. coli lives."
That's right, honey. E. coli is not our friend. Snacking on spinich salads and swimming at White Water Bay will significantly increase your personal ppy consumption.
However, we do NOT run the risk of E. coli consumption when drinking wine (or Tennessee whiskey) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting, usually several times before it gets to the bottle.
Remember: Water = Poop, Wine = Health
Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of shit. There is no need to thank me for this valuable information: I'm doing it as a public service.
It was no accident that Jesus' first miracle was turning water into wine, my friends. Carpe diem.
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