jiggidy-jog

"Home again, Home again, Jiggidy-Jog..."  This is a phrase that's very familiar to me, but I can't place where it came from.  I'm thinking it's something related to Dr. Seuss or another children's book, but I could be wrong.  Maybe The Diggingest Dog?  Mother Goose?  I can't remember; if you recognize it, let me know!  Think of it as your contribution to my sanity.

Wherever it came from, our trip to TN and back to OKC was great.  As always, it's both way too long of a trip and not nearly long enough.  It's hard to relax when you have to cover the whole state and spend more time driving to get to who you're going to visit than actually visiting with them.  Nonetheless, it was great seeing everybody.  (Although there were several people we didn't get to see while we were home...)

Santa was far too good to us this year.  My family also had a baby shower for us while we were home.  We have enough receiving blankets for triplets, and some of the cutest onesies you've ever seen.  

I've found there are some definite perks to being pregnant over this holiday.  Perhaps the most important is the total lack of guilt for having another piece of Nana's Pumpkin Chiffon pie - or anything else that's exceptionally tasty.  Also, you don't have to worry about people trying to give you clothes... that was especially nice.  Next, The Hater didn't huff at all when I announced the need for pit stops along the way (which were not nearly as often as we had feared they would be).  Next, it's no big deal to just announce that you need a nap when really you just need a break from family time.  

Between ham sandwiches, honey baked ham sandwiches, a Rick's BBQ pork sandwich and country ham biscuits - I'm pretty sure we ate a whole pig while we were home.  

And I'm pretty sure that it won't matter how well I've done the last four weeks, how much I've walked, or how many better choices I've made...  when I go to the OB tomorrow the scale will doubtfully be scooted further to the right than I had planned.  We'll see how that goes.

The Hater has another week off of work, and I have to go back tomorrow.  Let the mourning begin... although the most bitter part will happen tomorrow morning when I have to get out of bed and he gets to stay where it's warm and comfy.  

odiferous violations

Our pregnancy farts are back.  Technically they're all mine, but The Hater gets to enjoy most of them, too. 

He says that I am a frequent violator of the prevention of biological and chemical weapons treaties.  Even when I try to get down wind if even a tiny bit gets wafted his way, he says that I'm making the US look bad by both creating biological weapons and testing them.

Mostly I like to fart when we're in public places, like the grocery store.  I like to fart at the end of an aisle that we're leaving so nobody will know that it's us... but it'll linger for them.  I'm more like a Secret Santa than a biological warfare specialist, but it's all semantics.

Yesterday we were at a drugstore getting some OTC goodness for my newest head cold.  I could tell I had a fart brewing, and I really thought it would be a small one.  If I had known that it was going to be one of those that toot along with you for several steps, I really would have warned The Hater, who was walking behind me.  Well, they were silent and more of a blitzkrieg of farts than I had anticipated.  And then The Hater jumped all over my case for not warning him and then gave me a lecture about friendly fire.  He said next time I should warn him and say, "Charlie!  Charlie!  Move left!"

A little later we were leaving another store and I thought I'd fart before I got back into the car to protect the man that I love.  Well, it apparently lingered longer than I thought it would, and I had just enough time to explain to him that I really was trying to be nice by farting outside before I got into the car.  And then he smelled it.

He's really looking forward to our trip home next week.  Maybe Santa will bring my poor husband a gas mask...

Dear Coach Kiffin-

We are excited that you have joined the Volunteer family in Knoxville!  

Hopefully your Dad will, too, after the end of the NFL season.

Don't get us wrong - we don't like you just because of your Dad, but you have to admit that's a hellofa bonus.  He is, after all, one of the greatest defensive coordinators in football history.

We're also excited to hear that Mike Hamilton called Peyton to okay your hire before you were offered the job.  I'm sure you're new to my blog, but that alone scored you some major points in our book.  

You did a great job at USC.  We understand the Raiders situation had less to do with your coaching ability and more to do with Al Davis' lunacy.  

We're excited that you've already hit the recruiting trail hard.

Unlike the comment Phil Fulmer made, we don't expect you to win every game next year.  We do, however, expect improvement.  That's what we're looking for -- consistent improvement each season.  In 3-4 years we expect UT back to it's old glory.  We hope the media will once again flood with images of UT player directing the band in Rocky Top after another SEC championship.

Welcome to the family.  You're a Volunteer now.  Your transfusion has begun, and we're hoping it won't be long before you, too, bleed orange.

Sincerely,

The Hater and genderist

PS:  Don't make me hate on you.  Everyone on the UT staff that I've hated on has been fired.  No pressure.  The Hater.

it's so hard to be The Hater

The Hater is the son of a registered nurse who married a registered nurse. His Mom is coming to our house for Thanksgiving; she sent me an email asking if she needed to bring a flu shot with her for The Hater. That's really the only background you need for this post, which was my reply to her:

Your son is so bad. Don't let him reply to this email and love-y you up to his side. Don't let him give you those soft brown eyes and try to convince you otherwise, either. He's a pro at this and you need to be aware to stand your ground.  When it comes to flu shots, he has a mental block. Want proof?

The Hater's Flu Shot Saga

The first flu season we were married he thought I'd just be able to sneak him a flu shot from work.  You are partly to blame for this because you've always brought one home for him, and he has no concept that we work in entirely different venues.  That's nothing personal, it's just what he knows.  Of course, this conversation came up after he had already missed the flu shot clinics they offered at his school...

So the second flu season we were married he thought I'd be able to sneak him one home from work.  This was, of course, after I had already gotten all over him the previous year where I didn't work in a place where we just had flu shots sitting around for the taking.

The third flu season we were married I started reminding him in September that he'd have to take a flu shot when they were offered at school because I couldn't steal one for him.  I brought this up at least once every other week, then nearly daily after the hospital started posting flu shot reminders.  One day he came home from work to tell me that he forgot it was flu shot day until after it had already happened.

By the time the fourth flu season we were married rolled around I had changed jobs.  I worked in a clinic where I could steal him a flu shot.  But I knew I wouldn't work there forever, and I really wanted him to learn to associate getting his flu shot at school, to plant the seed so that next year he might remember.  It didn't make any difference because he forgot again.

It probably won't surprise you that I went through the same reminder system for the fifth flu season of our marriage.  Except I added writing reminders to him on sticky notes and sending random emails to his work address.  He was so ready.  And then a work-related trip landed on flu shot day, and he had to miss the clinic to take the kids out of town.

Which brings us to this year, the dawn of the sixth flu season of our marriage.  This year he came home and started the "hey, they're going to offer flu shots again this year at work" conversations before I even prompted him.  He knew the date by heart and would tell me "in three weeks I get a flu shot"; "in two weeks I get a flu shot"; "next week I get a flu shot because you can't steal one at work for me"; and, yes, even "flu shot today!".  I was proud because we had come so very far from the first flu season of our marriage.  It actually looked like he was going to get his flu shot at work.  I called him on his lunch break, and he was quick to tell me when and where he needed to be to get his flu shot.

Around 4-4:30pm that day I left work for home.  I called him to see if he'd left school yet to see if he could stop by the grocery store for a few things I needed to cook supper.  He said he was leaving and would stop by on his way home.  He came home with a bag of groceries, and while I was putting them away I asked him if he needed any Tylenol after his flu shot.

He made a bad face and squinched his eyes before answering, "I forgot my flu shot today."

me:  What?  But you were so ready!

him:  I know, but I forgot!  You asked me to pick up the groceries and I totally forgot about it.  Can you get me one at work?

me:  You know I can't do that.  You'll have to go to one of those community clinics to get it.

him:  Fine.  Then I won't get one this year.

me:  What?

him:  Or I'll just wait until I'm home for Christmas when Mom can bring one home for me.  She can do that.

So, to answer your question:  No, your son has not had his flu shot this year.  It would be wonderful if you could bring one with you.  We'd really appreciate it.

Meanwhile, I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to go about the flu shot campaign for the seventh flu season of our marriage.  I really have a good feeling that next year may be "the one".  At the top of my list is, obviously, to continue the reminders without asking him to deviate in any way from his usual routine on the actual flu shot day.  Maybe you could also bring a square, 18 ga needle for me to use to give him the flu shot this year; this might help him to remember.  Any other creative and/or painful ideas are welcome; please let me know if you think of any.

Sincerely,

genderist and your grandbaby, who has been especially squirmy today 

(and who, incidentally, have already gotten their flu shot)

Her reply went something like this, "Well, well, well...  I will bring the supplies and not tell him we're going to do it.  Next year he'll have to get a flu shot because he has to think of his baby first, who can die from the flu."  She didn't realize that I'd cc'd The Hater to my reply, so I quickly emailed him and told him he'd have to play along at Thanksgiving when she brings his "surprise" flu shot.  I'm secretly hoping she'll also bring a "surprise" 3" needle to attach to the syringe.  

they said the wrong thing to me

I went to a four hour work-related meeting today.  

It turned out to be a big picture, brainstorming type meeting.  A "let's envision the future we want and figure out how to get there" meeting.  A "let's be a national trendsetter" meeting.  A "let's talk a lot to sound like we're doing a lot" meeting.  A "look at us, we're collaborating with everybody else" meeting.  Quite frankly, a "why-in-the-hell-was-I-invited-to-this-meeting" meeting.

The first two hours we talked about how great we were, the things we'd done, the difference we've made, how much we rock.  Several people had color-coded slides to prove it.

After lunch we divided into smaller groups which became committees.  We then talked about how we could be greater, what things it would take to reach more people and do bigger things.  This was a very open discussion, lots of people throwing ideas into the arena.

I know I'm partial, but I had a fantastic idea that I shared with the group.  Some people nodded their heads at how good it was, but one guy next to me had the gall to tell me that would never work.

Excuse me?  Nobody poo-poo'd on your idea.  Besides, if the purpose of this group is to build castles in the sky, why can't mine have solar panels?

Needless to say, I've already sent out three emails to figure out how to make this happen, even if it starts on a much smaller scale.  I am a self-declared committee of one.

You don't need a group of executive-directors-of-this-and-that to foster change.

Veteran's Day

Dear Honorable Vet:

Even though most people act like they don't care, and sometimes the government pretends like they don't remember...  I appreciate your service.

Thanks for taking your turn to play the role of the hero.