Wednesday, December 17, 2008

odiferous violations

Our pregnancy farts are back.  Technically they're all mine, but The Hater gets to enjoy most of them, too. 

He says that I am a frequent violator of the prevention of biological and chemical weapons treaties.  Even when I try to get down wind if even a tiny bit gets wafted his way, he says that I'm making the US look bad by both creating biological weapons and testing them.

Mostly I like to fart when we're in public places, like the grocery store.  I like to fart at the end of an aisle that we're leaving so nobody will know that it's us... but it'll linger for them.  I'm more like a Secret Santa than a biological warfare specialist, but it's all semantics.

Yesterday we were at a drugstore getting some OTC goodness for my newest head cold.  I could tell I had a fart brewing, and I really thought it would be a small one.  If I had known that it was going to be one of those that toot along with you for several steps, I really would have warned The Hater, who was walking behind me.  Well, they were silent and more of a blitzkrieg of farts than I had anticipated.  And then The Hater jumped all over my case for not warning him and then gave me a lecture about friendly fire.  He said next time I should warn him and say, "Charlie!  Charlie!  Move left!"

A little later we were leaving another store and I thought I'd fart before I got back into the car to protect the man that I love.  Well, it apparently lingered longer than I thought it would, and I had just enough time to explain to him that I really was trying to be nice by farting outside before I got into the car.  And then he smelled it.

He's really looking forward to our trip home next week.  Maybe Santa will bring my poor husband a gas mask...


Anonymous said...

I noticed that you were commenting on a song "i don't wanna go to work today" on a previous blog. I was searching for the artist too, cause I have a copy of it but no more info. wanna listen to it?

Kristopher said...

Im so proud ;)

Good to know things are good - Merry Christmas!