Sunday, December 28, 2008


"Home again, Home again, Jiggidy-Jog..."  This is a phrase that's very familiar to me, but I can't place where it came from.  I'm thinking it's something related to Dr. Seuss or another children's book, but I could be wrong.  Maybe The Diggingest Dog?  Mother Goose?  I can't remember; if you recognize it, let me know!  Think of it as your contribution to my sanity.

Wherever it came from, our trip to TN and back to OKC was great.  As always, it's both way too long of a trip and not nearly long enough.  It's hard to relax when you have to cover the whole state and spend more time driving to get to who you're going to visit than actually visiting with them.  Nonetheless, it was great seeing everybody.  (Although there were several people we didn't get to see while we were home...)

Santa was far too good to us this year.  My family also had a baby shower for us while we were home.  We have enough receiving blankets for triplets, and some of the cutest onesies you've ever seen.  

I've found there are some definite perks to being pregnant over this holiday.  Perhaps the most important is the total lack of guilt for having another piece of Nana's Pumpkin Chiffon pie - or anything else that's exceptionally tasty.  Also, you don't have to worry about people trying to give you clothes... that was especially nice.  Next, The Hater didn't huff at all when I announced the need for pit stops along the way (which were not nearly as often as we had feared they would be).  Next, it's no big deal to just announce that you need a nap when really you just need a break from family time.  

Between ham sandwiches, honey baked ham sandwiches, a Rick's BBQ pork sandwich and country ham biscuits - I'm pretty sure we ate a whole pig while we were home.  

And I'm pretty sure that it won't matter how well I've done the last four weeks, how much I've walked, or how many better choices I've made...  when I go to the OB tomorrow the scale will doubtfully be scooted further to the right than I had planned.  We'll see how that goes.

The Hater has another week off of work, and I have to go back tomorrow.  Let the mourning begin... although the most bitter part will happen tomorrow morning when I have to get out of bed and he gets to stay where it's warm and comfy.  

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

odiferous violations

Our pregnancy farts are back.  Technically they're all mine, but The Hater gets to enjoy most of them, too. 

He says that I am a frequent violator of the prevention of biological and chemical weapons treaties.  Even when I try to get down wind if even a tiny bit gets wafted his way, he says that I'm making the US look bad by both creating biological weapons and testing them.

Mostly I like to fart when we're in public places, like the grocery store.  I like to fart at the end of an aisle that we're leaving so nobody will know that it's us... but it'll linger for them.  I'm more like a Secret Santa than a biological warfare specialist, but it's all semantics.

Yesterday we were at a drugstore getting some OTC goodness for my newest head cold.  I could tell I had a fart brewing, and I really thought it would be a small one.  If I had known that it was going to be one of those that toot along with you for several steps, I really would have warned The Hater, who was walking behind me.  Well, they were silent and more of a blitzkrieg of farts than I had anticipated.  And then The Hater jumped all over my case for not warning him and then gave me a lecture about friendly fire.  He said next time I should warn him and say, "Charlie!  Charlie!  Move left!"

A little later we were leaving another store and I thought I'd fart before I got back into the car to protect the man that I love.  Well, it apparently lingered longer than I thought it would, and I had just enough time to explain to him that I really was trying to be nice by farting outside before I got into the car.  And then he smelled it.

He's really looking forward to our trip home next week.  Maybe Santa will bring my poor husband a gas mask...

Tuesday, December 09, 2008

Dear Coach Kiffin-

We are excited that you have joined the Volunteer family in Knoxville!  

Hopefully your Dad will, too, after the end of the NFL season.

Don't get us wrong - we don't like you just because of your Dad, but you have to admit that's a hellofa bonus.  He is, after all, one of the greatest defensive coordinators in football history.

We're also excited to hear that Mike Hamilton called Peyton to okay your hire before you were offered the job.  I'm sure you're new to my blog, but that alone scored you some major points in our book.  

You did a great job at USC.  We understand the Raiders situation had less to do with your coaching ability and more to do with Al Davis' lunacy.  

We're excited that you've already hit the recruiting trail hard.

Unlike the comment Phil Fulmer made, we don't expect you to win every game next year.  We do, however, expect improvement.  That's what we're looking for -- consistent improvement each season.  In 3-4 years we expect UT back to it's old glory.  We hope the media will once again flood with images of UT player directing the band in Rocky Top after another SEC championship.

Welcome to the family.  You're a Volunteer now.  Your transfusion has begun, and we're hoping it won't be long before you, too, bleed orange.

The Hater and genderist

PS:  Don't make me hate on you.  Everyone on the UT staff that I've hated on has been fired.  No pressure.  The Hater.